Grief A New Year and Weight Loss

Well, here we are in the new year. I have been up and down already. Yesterday I hit the scale at 283.8 and today at 283.4 it seems like the weight loss is working. The last month has been a roller coaster  of emotions. My Grandfather had a surgery and spiraled downhill over the holidays. He seems to be getting better now, but we had a moment when we thought we would lose him. 
     It was after I was standing in the hospital room with My friend, mother, grandmother, and the priest all gathered around grandpa. We did the Catholic last right, It was very hard to get through. The next morning I woke up and realized that grandpa may not live next week, or tomorrow but we have him today. When you get into the mindset of living day by day and being thankful for each new sunrise it changes the way you  view things. We take to much for granted. As I spend more time in the ICU and around the Doctors and nurses who are on the front lines of life and death I see something. A nurse talked to me about how most people don't realize that it is a gift to breath on their own, it is a gift to walk, to see, to talk, to be able to eat and digest food. I am really learning to think more deeply about what I do with the time I have.

     Through this all I have been keeping up with my workouts. I ran a mile the other day around the track, I didn't want to but I did. I was thinking about something one doctor said. He said that because grandpa had been in cardiac rehab for 17 years before this hospital visit he may have a chance. Grandpa knew that the human body needs to be worked to be healthy. I need to continue to workout even when things are hard and I don't want to. Some day it might be me in the ICU and I want the same chance grandpa has to win.
     I have done a small amount of grief eating. Trying to control myself. Honestly it goes from me feeling like I can't eat anything to wanting all the bad things. I grew up like my grandmother seeing food as a comfort, now I need to change the way I see food. 
    Simply put we are what we eat. If you eat bad for you fat food your brain will function less and your body will clog and eventually have problems. This year I continue to pledge to myself and to you that I will eat clean good food. 
    After the last month I see life in a new light. It's something we need to cherish and protect. We need to not waste time because Time is something we can never get back. If a friend calls you and wants to go out for coffee Go. If a relative invites you over for dinner try your best to make it. If you kids want you to read to them, do it. We never get the time that is passed back. 

     I know one thing for sure, I will not look back on my life and have a long list of things I wish I would have done. I will have a long list of things I tried. I may not love everything and I will not succeed at everything but we must take the road less traveled and open ourselves to life and all of its possibilities.


- Peace,


Gabe